Play the Mike Brady song "Up There Cazaly!"
[Streaming audio will download 482,500 bytes onto your computer.]

Dear valued supporter of Australian Rules Football;

Do not be paralysed by the latest federal election, or the absence of a Victorian team from the 2004 Grand Final. A massive fraud is about to be perpetrated upon our noble game. If you have any concern at all for the survival of Australian Rules Football in its traditional form I urge you to write to the Australian Football League at the addresses below.

There are rumours of a secretive proposal to cut in half the oval. Work-study and time-and-motion experts are arguing that since there is only one ball, which can only be passing through one set of goalposts at any one time, then one half of the traditional oval is always redundant. They are proposing that both teams should direct their play toward the same goal. This would not entail any change in a goal umpire's duties, as they already note to which team a scorer belongs. At centre bounce-downs the ruckmen would run from opposite sides of the half-oval, instead of from opposite ends.

The proposed half-oval

What you aren't being told is that the redundant half of the oval might be sold to American baseball interests, under the Free Trade Agreement. This is a monstrous assault on the Australian national game!

If you have any compassion at all for the traditions of Australian Rules Football I urge you to write now. Head your letter with "No Half-Oval" and send it to an address below. Act now! It may be too late after the Howard government takes control of the Senate!

AFL Headquarters,
140 Harbour Esplanade,
VIC 3008

AFL Headquarters,
GPO Box 1449N,
VIC 3001